Up Up and Away!

Article written by Gordon Keith (above) about Dallas Maverick's Forward Josh Howard's You Tube remarks.

Dallas Maverick Josh Howard is in the news again for disrespecting the national anthem. And so we ponder an e-mail discussion between him and Mavericks owner Mark Cuban.

Let's imagine ...

Dear Josh,

As your boss and the owner of the Dallas Mavericks (as well as being on Dancing With the Stars and getting pretty far), I hereby order you to draft an apology to Mavericks fans and to all Americans offended by your incredibly unpatriotic and stupid actions caught on camera.

Mark Cuban

***

Dear Mark,

Here:

Dear Fans,

This is Josh Howard, small forward for the Mavericks. I know a lot of people are mad at me for that video where in which I said I don't celebrate the Star Spangled Anthem because I'm black. Nothing could be further from the truth. I celebrate it all the time while I am black. I was just goofing off with a friend while we were high as kites. JK.

Love,

Josh

***

Josh,

That ain't gonna work. You don't need to mention the word "high," even if it does make it funnier. Please be humble and full of contrition. (Like I was when I ALMOST won Dancing With the Stars on NETWORK TELEVISION.)

Mark

***

Dear Mark,

This better?

Dear Maverick fans who make a big deal out of things,

I am sorry that you found it offensive that I didn't look like Jefferson crossing the Delaware when someone was screeching the National Star Banner in the background. I take full responsibility for my friend putting me up to it. I was wrong for him doing it. I know it looked like there were certain substances that we smoked from pot bongs that made us giggly and videotaping. I also know I will probably never get invited on Dancing With the Stars like my owner, Mark Cuban, but who cares?

Josh

***

Josh,

Much better. Especially the last part which talked about Dancing With the Stars. People love hit shows that they can identify with. Try it one more time with a little more contrition.

Mark (Dancing With the Stars semi-finalist, 2007)

***

Mark,

OK:

Dear loser fans who aren't as rich as me,

BFD. I have smoked out and disrespected our nation. I am an athlete. Why don't y'all not show up at games if it makes you so mad? You can sit at home on your fat asses and watch shows like Dancing With the Stars . Maybe you will even see my owner on there again.

Josh

***

Josh,

Perfect! Releasing it now.
Mark



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